transitions

i'm getting a new job soon, but it'll be a few weeks of waiting still as they run background checks on me thoroughly. only once that is done then i'll tender. it'll probably be april by the time all this is over.

i'm still feeling out of sorts.

being married doesn't feel that way i'd expected it to. she's maxed one of her game characters in that game, and she's got another 3 hanging around. i don't see an end to this fiasco. i've tried being happy since our wedding preparations started but at every turn, some thing throws a flying spanner in my face, so it's been a roller-coaster ride. i know there are plenty of things i can improve upon myself, but i definitely hope this relationship works out right to the end. my heart feels wretched every time i see her in her own world, and it dies a little every time i try talking to her about small things and she responds that she's in the middle of something, and doesn't respond for the next 10minutes (and promptly forgets i wanted to talk). i'd shamelessly admit that i'd cry a little on the inside when she "simulates" listening to me but none of what i've said went in either of her ears, after a long pause for a reaction. i'll suck it all in for now, but i don't know how long i can hold out.

ladies, please try to not torture your man. i know there are jerks out there, but the good guys can get it equally bad if you're not careful. i'm hanging by a thread, walking on thin ice with a chainsaw to my chest. one trip and my heart would be in pieces, and i'd be frozen, breathless and drowning. is there anything i can do?