getting started

i finally got started off on reading a "for dummies" book. i think i'd bought it since january or so... and going through it after such a long time would nearly seem like a waste of money buying it.

i can't believe i woke up so early this morning. i was practically having a sleepless night tossing and turning, waking every few hours in the middle of the night. i followed my parents to a neighborhood shopping centre for a bit, along with the little brat too of course. and because we were there too darn early, most of the shops there were not even opened yet. i can't believe we settled for macd's for lunch.

in any case, i did my studying in the afternoon obediently. and then i had some time spent on reflecting on myself. it sounds oh so philosophical doesn't it? it's one of those moments in which, i asked myself: what am i good at? quite frankly i can't quite seem to answer that. it's apparent to me that i'm having self-doubt; i don't think i'm good at anything concrete. i have my head up in the clouds too often, cracking cold jokes that nobody laughs at, doing things to don't seem to make any sense, whining too much like a kid (as is now...) which brings me back to the point that i'm having self-doubt.

probably i'm having too much free time on my hands. maybe that's where all that nonsensical mumblings are coming from. and the inadvertent pressure from my parents that i should get a job soon. no that aren't exactly nagging at me to get a job. but they indirectly would make comments that end up shooting me in the back about being without a job. it's the money.